Reflections on Ephesians 5:21-33: Marriage

Looking for a fulfilling and healthy marriage relationship? It doesn't begin with behavior modification or a list of how-to’s; it begins with the filling of the Holy Spirit! This idea isn’t just my thought, look at the context of the passage: verse 18 commands us to be filled with the Spirit, then the following verses tell us the results of being filled. When you get to verse 21, it says, “And further, you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (NLT). Take another look at what Scripture says about the filling of the Holy Spirit, and you’ll find the key to succeeding in marriage!

A wife submitting to her husband like the church submits to Christ isn’t natural – it’s supernatural! When a woman yields to the Holy Spirit, then He produces the change through her, reforming her inner desires, which then leads to different relational behavior.

A husband sacrificially loving his wife in the same way that Christ loved the church likewise requires supernatural intervention. We men are too selfish and ego-driven to live out that kind of relationship apart from Jesus!
“Live a life filled with love for others, following the example of Christ, who loved you and gave himself as a sacrifice to take away your sins. And God was pleased, because that sacrifice was like sweet perfume to him… Try to find out what is pleasing to the Lord.” (Eph 5:2, 10 NLT)

Wisdom, Courage, and Love

If I could master these three areas of life, I would be getting close to maturity!

Wisdom is more than just knowing right and wrong, its understanding and then applying it to life. When I am living in wisdom, there is integrity in my life because my actions are in alignment with my words, which are in alignment with my thinking, which has been shaped by the source of true wisdom – God.

James tells us that there is "earthly" wisdom and there is "heavenly" wisdom (James 3:13-18). The earthly wisdom really isn't wise at all, but only has a deceptive appearance of being right. In fact, its source is the devil himself. No wonder, because he parades as an angel of light!

Why courage? Courage is acting in a way consistent with your beliefs (assuming that God's wisdom has shaped belief), especially when there's opposition and criticism. I think that courage is the key ingredient to helping us live out wisdom. It takes courage to say no to selfish desires to "do it my way" instead of doing it God's way. It takes courage to do the right thing when my friends are beckoning me to follow them into unwholesome conversation or activities. And it takes courage to do the right thing when the culture screams at us to take a different path.

Love – without love, wisdom and courage can easily lead (or maybe necessarily will lead) to legalism. Of course, part of growing in wisdom includes growing in love, because love is an essential part of God's nature, and is the defining characteristic of a follower of Christ (John 13:35).

When we live by love, we move from a self-centered focus to a God-centered focus where we are motivated to live in wisdom because of the relationship we have with him. It also moves us to care for others and seek to put their needs before our own. "Bitter envy" and "selfish ambition" are self-love, not the kind of love for others that God desire for us.

When we live by wisdom, courage, and love, we will live "good lives" with "deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom." While that may sound boring or tame, the reality is that it leads us into a most satisfying adventure of real life!

Where do I find wisdom? Try reading 1 chapter in the book of Proverbs each day for the coming year. Make daily Bible reading a habit, and approach it with a prayer to grow in wisdom and understanding the ways of God.

Our motives in life aren't supposed to be selfish and always looking for our best. However, when we submit to God and follow his ways it is for our best and he promises to reward us for it. I especially like the promise in Psalm 37 verse 4: "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desires." Delighting in God can't be a put-on act of singing certain songs or praying the right words of praise. Rather, delighting in God must flow from a heart of genuine love and adoration of God.